WIR: Feb 15 - 28

The 2 weeks leading up to Feb 24 was really an eye-opener.

All I can remember was to try to complete all the EGAs. Admittedly, I hated the EGA concept from a review point of view, however, these EGAs showed me the direction to take. So it was a process to try to compete the EGAs.

I am honestly very happy that on Feb 24, once my Client filed, the database is ready to be archived, with all the EGAs final reviewed. I never have this feeling back in Singapore.

And on Thursday I went to Santa Cruz. Gotten into a small accident and lucky nothing major.

The rest of the week is about sleeping in and relaxing.

WIR: Feb 8-14

Been constantly in a state of depression for the week.

Saw a online story, which became a web series, and I am totally into. 

All I need now is to be someone's universe. And to nestle into the bed with. Finally, in this week of Valentine 2016, my internal bio-clock is ringing so loud that the vibration caused the metal bits of the alarm to come off. The funny thing is that what I want is something so simple, yet so difficult.

The problem is that I think too much.

Yes.

My imagination knows no bound. I am so up-tight about taking that first step, that I rather the other party takes it for me. But when they do, it just will not work out. And since when I was in JC to Uni, girls will express their interests in me. Rarely the other way around. Kept deluding myself that I have all the time in the world to find the right one. The one who is my everything and I am everything to. A lifelong promise and love. A completion. A partner in life. Literally my other half.

And when I thought I found the right one, but I am glad things did not turn out for the better. For a moment, I was worried it was going too well.  

And comes the second problem is that I know which type of person I want to be. Like a seasoned auditor, I have prepared a checklist and the threshold is pretty stringent. After all, this is for a lifetime. Unfortunately for myself (nothing to do with the ladies), most of them don't meet the criteria. 

And then this week, I realized that my life is no drama; its so standardized and sanitized. I am no longer young to yearn for the trials and tribulations that come along with it. How many years can I have left? Whilst my friends and acquaintances have basically settled down and starting a family, I am still wantoning my life away. 

I believe that for two person to come together and to live together and to grow old together, it takes a lot of guts. I have none. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.

And.

Even I found one, is this it? What's next?

Family, children, bills......

Seems like the unknown brings about more expectations and hope, when suddenly, one day, I realized that I have nothing to start with at the start.

也许等到对的人，这一切会变好。

有你的世界，我看不见烦恼。

我对你承诺了我的所有，

让你以后永无纷扰。

WIR: Feb 1 - 7

This week was about work work work. Although the work load is lighter, I can't put a finger to where this whole thing is not motivating me at all. Firstly, the work load is light. Yes. I need to manage a few more engagements to make this all worthwhile. Secondly, the different methodology and the EGAs. I must vent. The way about how this EGA thing work is really not efficient from a reviewers' point of view. There are so many of these EGAs and most of it becomes a mindless exercise of cross-referencing, such that, its becoming pointless. And the danger is that this EGA will reference to the another EGA and that EGA will reference back to this EGA. Furthermore, it doesn't provide a convenient way to extract information and to review the risks from a high level perspective. And I am slowly getting used to the methodology. Accept-reject, non-stat, etc.

Ok enough of work.

On Saturday, I went to cut my hair. Heart-pained. $35 dollars =_=. I thought it was a cheap saloon. None-the-less, the service was above average, but I don't need such good service for my hair. Its basically blade 1 all round and cut short a bit on the top.

After that, drove my car aimlessly around, exploring new places. I like San Jose as the air is generally fresh, surrounded mountains and almost flat terrain. And not forgetting the blue sky.

Then sent my car for washing. I love it when my car is clean.

Was invited to Cindy's and Gavin's place near Cupertino on the same Saturday. Met a few new friends, and became friendlier to those who I have met before, i.e. Siling, Joshua, Wanxin. It was interesting to have almost all but one, wearing red. Had steamboat and YUSHENG. Cannot believe I get to lao yusheng in a foreign land.

Played mahjong and I won the first round with a 发财. Subsequently kept losing until the West and North wind. In the end won $2.50.

January 2016 - Look back

2016 started underwhelmingly for me.

First of all, am I doing the right thing by being in the States and giving up what I have in Singapore? As the weeks went by at my current engagement, I am beginning to doubt my choice. This is heinous! I usually never question myself critically at any decisions which I have made. However, I took a step back and analysed the situation. I think I had it good. This is a listed company. And it is growing. The Client is great. The engagement team is great. I have the opportunity and the time to learn. 

Objectively speaking, my first priority is to learn to speak up confidently. I need to be more like the locals, being vocal, saying hi, making small chats, discussing issues with convictions and moving priorities forward. The second priority is to get my US CPA. Going to do that next week, with the certification assessments. The third priority to quickly become a senior manager over here. Harder than it looks. I need to be more confident, more mature, more hard-working, more technical competent and more outspoken.

I realised that I am turning 33 in 15 more days. I used to be very excited about February 15. Now I just dread it. Approaching mid-30s will mean that I should have a family and a kid or two. When they are in their 20s, I will be 50-ish. The age gap is just right. Secondly, my career should be more focused on building my portfolio, increasing my technical competence and able go for partnership. There isn't a second chance for me to go over my life play-book.

It is interesting that I am still here in this profession, considering that what I stand for and who I am, totally does not fit the bill. I need to be focused and NOT GET DISTRACTED MY CURRENT LIFESTYLE. And yes. PLEASE SAVE MORE MONEY. SERIOUSLY!

The second nuance is about what has happened. It should not have happened in the first place, which I am SMART enough to try not to let it happen in the first place. But, you did what you did, and I am totally cool. Cool. We are good. And no hard feelings. But there isn't a second chance. Nope. Walking away.

So, January was underwhelming, but who decides what is underwhelming, what is exciting. I decide it all. In truth, January has been a great platform to watch myself from a distance. What was new, is now 4 months old. I have largely settled in and formed routines.

I do look forward to February. 

I always think that February is a month which stands out from the rest. Why? It is the only month which has the shortest number of days, but can you say which is the ONLY month which has the longest day? Every four years, February has an extra day for the year. And February is largely the month of Aquarians. And Aquarians are weird by astrological terms. I feel that February is so me. Something different from the others. We all live once, why must we conform to the social norms. (Even though, my mind is planning to getting married, it is because I want to start a family of my own. To watch my kids grow up. And in a way, extend my life into the next generation with my anecdotes and wit and opinions. No social pressure here.)

Oh wells, I can't wait to write my thoughts on February in a month's time. Hopefully, the post will start with a more positive note.

WIR: Jan 25 - 31

The week has been trying to clear my work. Honestly, I like it when I have more engagements on hand. Well, I am new around here, so I cannot complain. And it will be an excellent opportunity to observe how people work around here. I feel that the week has been a bland one. Seems like I may need to re-evaluate if this professional is right for me?

Thursday (Jan 28) was my Client's ER and they have had a good quarter and year. Their share price increased by 20% in the after-trade and during the next day. THe Company is still in a growing stage and I think it definitely has the potential to grow even bigger. 

Met Jingfen and Hanlin on Saturday for dimsum lunch at Saigon Seafood Restaurant. The food was average and one of the wait staff was really rude. I can't believe he threw my card on the table.

Feeling unproductive? Planner peace

There are times when I feel will get tried of my to-do list. I love making lists as this has a therapeutic effect. A zen moment when I stare the things I need to do right in the eyes, as oppose to trying to keep the monsters in my head, and constantly worrying what do I need to do next.

I have tried a few types of planner: normal date/week/month planner which I got from the local bookshop, the more expensive Erin Condren and now, I am moving to a Midori. Lately, from the planners' world, I learnt of a new phase, "Planner peace". It is finding that one planner which will make one feel at ease and at peace.

I sat to think about this "Planner peace". What is it actually?

My criterion for planner peace is as follows:

1. Convenience - 
(i) On the go: I can take it along with me without much hassle. Ergo, it has to be relatively small, free of sharp edges and resistant to wear and tear.  

(ii) Just write it down: I need to be able to write my thoughts, to-do lists, daily/weekly/monthly planning, random stuff, notes and summaries from my readings, all in one place. I do not entertain the idea of having to go to multiple journals, planners or writing materials to achieve all that.

2. Pretty - Honestly, as a guy, the word pretty typically does not draw a direct association with me. However, i appreciate planners that are colorful, filled with quotes, customizable, as all these will make me feel great while journaling or planning. It is the emotional attachment I feel whenever I see pretty things. 

3. All-in-one - As mentioned under Convenience, I appreciate a planner/journal which I can do a lot of things in. Journaling, planning, keeping track of appointments, monitoring my exercises or readings, making notes and summaries of the articles I just read. And these sections are best segregated, and if they are in different distinct booklets, all the better. At this point, this criteria will contradict criteria 1(ii).

4. Professional - I can bring the planner along with me during my professional work. One that is I am not embarrassed to proudly showcase during meetings or discussions. Again, appears to contradict criteria 2.

I never really thought of this planner peace, as I have, for as long as I can remember, been moving around planners and planning methods. I can never seem to be stuck with one for long. The reason why I jump around planners and give it up altogether, is probably because of the frustration of these factors convoluting and mutually repelling each other. When I am happy using one planner for a couple of weeks, moments of desperation and despair will set in. What about journaling? What about planning? Daily planning? Hourly planning? At times I will start to customise the planner, to try to add sections to my planner, but in the end, the efforts were for nothing.

Meanwhile, this blog is more about the physical stuff - the planner. As for the planning methodology and organising methodology, there's another post for another time. I don't wish to get on to that yet. Planner is physical, planning is mental.

Back to the post, probably the longest time on a planner I spent with is Erin Condren. For about a year. Through youtube videos and instagrams, I saw how the EC community deck out their EC planners, with the washi tapes, stickers and colorful pens. How they are able to jot down their to-do lists, appointments, journals, food and water and exercise trackers. EC planner appears to be the right one for me. Yes. I enjoy EC for more than a year. 

There will be times when I failed my EC planner, by (i) ignoring the to-do lists and (ii) leaving the week (or even weeks) empty. That's why I say, planning is mental.

And now, I am starting with Midori Travelers' Notebook. It kind of met the 4 criterion I have set out. Let's see how long can I last with this?

WIR: Jan 18 - 24

The only memory I have of this week is WORK.

Honestly, there is nothing different each day, except that I took a sick day on Thursday.

And went out watched Ip Man 3 with Cal Vin, YYT, Shaun, Chris, Katherine, Emily, Wan Xin and Jason. Jason was also from EY Singapore. Seems like in a foreign land in, I am still at home. Ip Man 3 was a bit dull, as there wasn't any highlights. Even with Mike Tyson, it was just a "friendly" dual. The key issue was only whether which sect is the authentic sect to inherit the legacy of Wing Chun. I am very sure, there will be no more Ip Man series, not at least with Donnie Yen.

I just felt a bit down these few days. I am having difficulty concentrating in whatever I am doing, and making decisions. I can't believe that a simple decision as to what to do for the Sunday dinner made me paralyzed for a good 20 minutes. I had to force myself to clean up and go to my car. I drove randomly for awhile, and decided that I need to take control of the randomness, before making my way to Mitsuwa. I was like, SERIOUSLY.

And now, I just had dinner. And watching the Shanghai show. Not bad I think.

Anyway, I honestly think that the EGAs way of doing things in my current firm is not efficient and not really the right way of thinking. Whilst I appreciate the checklists that accompany each work step, I think that the people do not really appreciate what the objective of the work step is and typically, will either reference to other places or just document the hell of the EGA, without considering other work steps. For reviewers, it is not efficient, as we have to open up a few EGAs to see the complete story. And mostly, the lead sheet is useless. Where is the control to ensure that the lead sheet is updated and complete? Maybe I need more time to get use to it, but I really don't see the need for multiple EGAs. Seriously.