WIR: Feb 8-14

Been constantly in a state of depression for the week.

Saw a online story, which became a web series, and I am totally into. 

All I need now is to be someone's universe. And to nestle into the bed with. Finally, in this week of Valentine 2016, my internal bio-clock is ringing so loud that the vibration caused the metal bits of the alarm to come off. The funny thing is that what I want is something so simple, yet so difficult.

The problem is that I think too much.

Yes.

My imagination knows no bound. I am so up-tight about taking that first step, that I rather the other party takes it for me. But when they do, it just will not work out. And since when I was in JC to Uni, girls will express their interests in me. Rarely the other way around. Kept deluding myself that I have all the time in the world to find the right one. The one who is my everything and I am everything to. A lifelong promise and love. A completion. A partner in life. Literally my other half.

And when I thought I found the right one, but I am glad things did not turn out for the better. For a moment, I was worried it was going too well.  

And comes the second problem is that I know which type of person I want to be. Like a seasoned auditor, I have prepared a checklist and the threshold is pretty stringent. After all, this is for a lifetime. Unfortunately for myself (nothing to do with the ladies), most of them don't meet the criteria. 

And then this week, I realized that my life is no drama; its so standardized and sanitized. I am no longer young to yearn for the trials and tribulations that come along with it. How many years can I have left? Whilst my friends and acquaintances have basically settled down and starting a family, I am still wantoning my life away. 

I believe that for two person to come together and to live together and to grow old together, it takes a lot of guts. I have none. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.

And.

Even I found one, is this it? What's next?

Family, children, bills......

Seems like the unknown brings about more expectations and hope, when suddenly, one day, I realized that I have nothing to start with at the start.

也许等到对的人，这一切会变好。

有你的世界，我看不见烦恼。

我对你承诺了我的所有，

让你以后永无纷扰。